The journey to now was much harder than I anticipated. Sometime before this present pain began, and somewhere within a mind that could not grasp this current reality, I reasoned that grief like so many stories I’ve read would have a beginning or exposition, the rising action, a middle…if you’re a musician I believe it’s a crescendo, if you’re an author it’s the climax of the tale, the falling action, and the denouement. The denouement is “the final part of a play, movie, or narrative in which the strands of the plot are drawn together, and matters are explained or resolved.”
At the beginning, our family of six enters the stage right to thunderous applause, and the youngest climbs into a hospital bed at the center of the stage. In the rising action, the stage is partitioned into two parts (maybe three if the budget allows for the church sanctuary). One side contains the hospital bed, the other a large brown sectional in a family room setting. The mother and youngest are most often positioned in the hospital room, while the rest of the family recline on the couch. In the climax, the light dims to dark…first from the family room and then the hospital room; some distant light glows offstage. The falling action, the period of intense grief. lights lift to the point where 5 figures can be seen scattered around an empty stage. The denouement. Blazing light as the God of the Universe shows up to explain himself, sudden abundant happiness and prosperity descend. The five remaining family members go on to understand the meaning of much of the hardship and they live blessed lives as they remember their lost member with great fondness, anecdotes, and laughter.
I have learned that God will not weave the strands of this narrative together in a manner that makes sense of death on this side of the curtain. So, how do I process the reality of my gracious and benevolent God amid the horror I’ve endured—the horror someone somewhere every day endures?
I fix my eyes on the unseen reality of the One whose character is beyond reproach—the one who willingly endured my horror so that I might share His heroic ending. My joy-filled denouement is assured. Christ gained the victory and invited me in. Now, I spend my life learning to walk in that victory.
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